“I tell you the truth, you can say to this mountain, ‘May you be lifted up and thrown into the sea,’ and it will happen. But you must really believe it will happen and have no doubt in your heart.”
“I knew it was good for me, but I always dreaded it” – Patrick & Ruth Schwenk, In A Boat In The Middle Of A Lake.
What happens when the training wheels fall off, the safety net is removed, and this time, the fall will be for real.
What happens to your faith, when the money you had plans with, drips away by the thousands to just a few left. . . .
My flesh responds in anger. Anger at myself, at my situation, at my lack of control & at my spouse and at God.
Thank God for His Spirit that can catch me before I fall to far to recover. Before my flesh can destroy too much, too fast.
Yet, as Patrick & Ruth Schwenk relay in their book, the feeling of fear can be all too real when the lesson goes from the safety of the shoreline to the depth of water in the middle of a lake with no one around to keep you from drowning.
I would like to stop the lesson on my own time. In my own comfort & control it in my own way. Yet, my Spirit longs to become more like God. Higher, to access more than I can access in my flesh, or in my current state.
I want the faith to say to a mountain, rise up & be lifted into the sea. However, my faith has so much doubt, particularly when I feel I have drifted out to the middle of the sea, or the lake. In those moments when I communicate but still don’t really hear His voice, guiding & directing.
In those periods that feel like operating on blind faith.
In reality, I need my other half. The church & our community needs one another. There is no other choice. No one can do this on their own. We need the assistance that a team brings. Even an unlikely team with a wide-variety of beliefs, abilities, and gifts.
No one can live life on their own. Not a life really worth living, one that is more than endured. Let me rephrase . . . I WOULD NOT WANT A LIFE LIVED ALONE.
I am grateful for the members of my family, the ones that both came & went, and the ones that are still here & around. I am grateful for my wife, and her children to fill our home up with both laughter & frustration & teenage angst.
I am grateful for the dog that barks in such a weird-way at 5:45 A.M. on the dot, whether from a routine sound or we moved the bed too strong.
I have experienced many nights alone, in a big empty home. I will take the home with love a thousand-times over. I will take this stage of my life, than the one, where I was tested in the middle of the lake, alone.
I will take the family, with its big messy problems. I will take the long black hair all over the bathroom floor. I will take the micro arguments over text, than a phone that never dings for a text. I will take five-a.m. laughs over lonely nights of eight-hours of sleep.
“That evening Jesus and the disciples left the city.
The next morning as they passed by the fig tree He had cursed, the disciples noticed it had withered from the roots up. Peter remembered what Jesus had said to the tree on the previous day and exclaimed, ‘Look, Rabbi! The fig tree you cursed has withered & died!’
Then Jesus said to the disciples, ‘Have faith in God. I tell you the truth, you can say to this mountain, “May you be lifted up and thrown into the sea,” and it will happen. But you must really believe it will happen and have no doubt in your heart. I tell you, you can pray for anything, and if you believe that you’ve received it, it will be yours. But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too.’ “
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