“Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.”
We all communicate words & ideas to other people.
We may be using the same words, but these words likely won’t have the same exact meaning.
Let’s take the word “bat”.
For this illustration, I am referring to the animal bat.
I am not referring a baseball bat, nor to bat your eye lashes at someone, nor to bat a fly away with your hand.
Here is a picture of a bat.
Chances are, what you expected the picture of a bat to look like, and what you actually are seeing, are not exactly the same.
The reality is that you brought expectations into your understanding of the word bat.
But . . . my expectations are NOT going to be the SAME as yours.
Seriously.
For clarity, when I think of the word bat, I actually expect to see this image:
This is a fruit bat. I think fruit bats are cute. I like to eat fruit. Fruit bats eat fruit. I like things that eat fruit. Therefore, I like fruit bats.
When I think of bats, I think of fruit bats, because I like fruit and some bats eat fruit. I have an expectation that I bring into the word bat. Some of you think of bats as creepy, scary, gross, or infected. Others think vampire & bloodsucker.
We likely don’t think of bats, exactly the same.
Our expectations of the word bats, differ.
“Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.”
Now, let’s stretch the imagery of bats & different expectations into a few real-life scenarios.
(1) Scenario #1: Marriage
When you got married, you had an expectation of what marriage means. You had a dream of where you would get married. You had a vision.
Every man has an expectation of what a wife is. Every woman has an expectation of what a husband is. Is your marriage meeting expectations?
Some of our expectations we are aware of, and can communicate.
Other expectations are hidden in the background, waiting to be uncovered.
Sometimes, these expectations don’t cause conflict.
Other times, we are frustrated with our wife, husband, God, & marriage because we have expectations of what these roles are that the other person does NOT share.
Other times, we are happy with our wife, husband, God, & marriage because they met an expectation that we have.
Even if that expectation was never shared or communicated.
Yet, the reality remains: we ALL bring expectations into our life. We All bring expectations into our marriages. We ALL have different expectations.
(2) Scenario #2: Work
Imagine you go to work today. At work, your boss comes up to you and says, “Hey, can you please clean the bathroom’s today?”.
Some of you, myself included, will be confused by your boss asking you to clean the bathroom.
Didn’t we hire someone for that? Who actually made that mess? Is this in my job description when I signed on for this job?
You may actually go clean the bathroom.
However, the attitude that you bring into that restroom will differ.
Some of this will depend on your expectation of the word employee.
Some of this will depend on your expectation of the word boss.
Some of this will depend on your expectation of clean.
There is a minority of us who would walk into the bathroom, make sure there weren’t feces on the ground, see none, and then walk out, calling it clean.
Others would ask these questions:
What did your boss actually mean when he said clean?
Do I need to clean the floors with a mop?
Do I need to clean the bottom area of the toilet bowl or just the top?
Do I use bleach or vinegar or Pinesol or Fabuloso?
Do I have a responsibility to clean the mirrors too?
Where do we even store the extra rolls of toilet paper?
Does my boss even know?
(3) Scenario #3: Children
You come home from work. You cleaned the bathroom, like your boss asked. It wasn’t your job, but you did it anyways. You didn’t meet your boss’s expectation of clean, so you actually had to clean it twice. You walk in the door, worn-out. You walk in the door-frustrated. You throw your keys on the counter. You look over at the couch and . . .
(a): You get mad because you see a teenager laying on the couch with a pair of dirty shoes, the book-bag thrown down, and a half-empty bag of Cheetos currently flipped upside down in biting distance of a dog, who is about to get some serious stomach issues. You expect your teenager to be clean and eat-better food.
(b): You sigh, a sigh-of-relief, because you see your teenager, safe, laying on the couch with a pair of dirty shoes, the book-bag thrown down, and a half-empty bag of Cheetos. You expect teenagers to get dirty. You don’t love the situation, but you love that your teenager actually has their bookbag. This means they actually went to school. You expected your teenager to act like you, and you know that you skipped from time-to-time. So when your teenager rises above your expectation, even when they are messy, dirty, and you have to clean up dog-mess. You are grateful they were not you as a teenager. Unsafe, hiding, hungry, skipping school, no pets, no animals, etc. . .
(c): You don’t let your teenager worsen your day because you expect your teenager to be messy, dirty, and slobish. You expect teenagers to eat Cheetos, and not throw away the bag. You expect to share sketchy human food with your dog, even if it makes a mess.
(d): You don’t acknowledge your teenager because you expect the day to be all about you. You will deal with them later, if at all.
DO YOU SEE THE DIFFERENCE? DO YOU SEE THE ROLES THAT OUR EXPECTATIONS BRING INTO OUR LIVES?
It is so important to communicate & share what our expectations are. It is so important to understand that our upbringings, our backgrounds, and our life-circumstances have all shaped our expectations.
Our expectations need to be communicated to those around us.
It is only fair.
But, please, communicate in love.
“Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.”
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